before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
