The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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