One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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