Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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