do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
