my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
