dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
