Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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