Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
