At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
