i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
