You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
