Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
