Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
