Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
he had hair everywhere except his balls
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
