So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
