Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Boobs speak an international language.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Randomize
