Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Randomize