Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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