just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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