No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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