Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
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