i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
