you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
