put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
