you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
