She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
