Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
