Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
You're a waste of cheezeits
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
