I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
