Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Randomize