My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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