so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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