Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
