I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
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