the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
