That's when you crack a 10am beer
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
