i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
