Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize