In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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