i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
