Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I think I died a long time ago.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
