Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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