Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
