Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
