I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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