If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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