just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
