2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
