Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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