If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
