My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Randomize
