my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
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