I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
