went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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