there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
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