i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
