So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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