grandma shit on top of the toilet
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
