If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Randomize
