i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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