I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
