I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
